Shhhh....secret womens business

It's not often I come across a blog article that I just want to reprint in its entirety, but this is one.

Sensible advice you wish you'd known when you were 20. 

Unsolicited advice for women!

Check it out girls. 

(And a good read for the blokes too...)

The getting of Winter Wisdom

Brew me a cup for a winter's night.


For the wind howls loud and the furies fight;


Spice it with love and stir it with care,


And I'll toast our bright eyes,


my sweetheart fair.


~Minna Thomas Antrim

As winter howls and fights outside I can feel my attention turning to my interior spaces. I don’t love Winter. I need to work very hard to find its benefit. Summer just rushes at me like a fluffy puppy, all bouncy and easy to love. But Winter grows on me slowly. Like a mould that turns the cheese to blue. It all seems a bit unsavoury in the beginning, but when its work is done Winter blooms with a pungency that Summer just can’t match.

Winter requires me to go below the surface and ask the deeper questions I guess. Wisdom seems more accessible. Quick fixes are out….conscious, considered choices made over a warm brew with an old friend are in. I had just such a conversation with my old friend Rita Young last week. I’ve know Rita for 20 years, but over a cup of tea I asked her how she came to this work in the first place. And her answers took me to a deeper understanding of my own choices. Beautiful.

Here's the conversation in full for those of you who enjoy the getting of wisdom:

Jo: "So as a woman whose life revolves deeply around consciousness and making a positive impact in the world…. and its clearly not a whim for you…

Rita: (laughs) No it's not a whim..

Jo: …. how did that sensibility in you grow? Was there a moment of awakening? Did you learn that way of being from your parents?

Rita: I think because there was considerable trauma in my parent’s life, they tried not to pass it on to the next generation. They withheld emotionally from themselves. Not with us, with us they were very protective and loving. But with themselves.…I think they decided that they couldn’t bear it. They couldn’t bear any more pain. And I don’t blame them for that. I think they made very wise and noble choices. But I guess I recognised that I wanted to be fully awake as a result of that. No withhold.

 Jo: And that set you on the path?

Rita: Well yes – but it was a long and winding path! I remember a time when I was at University and deeply unhappy. I learnt a Mindfulness technique way back then that woke me up to the realisation that I could heal myself in ways that my parents simply couldn’t…

Jo: That’s a powerful realisation – that we have outgrown our parents in some way.

Rita: Yes. (pauses and thinks….) They tried so hard to keep me away from pain….but of course as Rumi says “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” I try not to turn away from the wound. Wound to my ego, hurt feelings…that’s where I practise resilience…..

Jo: I read an article recently that criticised Mindfulness Training because it runs the risk of encouraging participants to suppress valid emotions. Have you seen people use the technique as a way to control valid emotions?

Rita: Hmmm…. I think Mindfulness is actually the opposite of suppression. It’s about riding the waves of all the available sensations, emotions, stories…. it’s about resting back into awareness of all of it, the good and the bad. Because everything changes moment to moment. We think that we will be stuck in an emotion or thought or a painful feeling but impermanence takes care of that!

The Dalai Lama said pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.  He told the story of the 2 arrows. Have you heard the story of the 2 arrows?

Jo: I don’t think so….

Rita: You can get hit by the first arrow. And it’s painful. That’s life, its full of barbs and things that can pierce the skin. But the second arrow? That’s the suffering that is optional. That’s the part where you moan and wail and make meaning that may not be useful “ Why me?.... “ Why did this happen to me?!” or “They are really out to get me.” Or “ I’m so vulnerable.” That part is optional. So we learn to let that pass without pushing that second arrow deep into our psyche. The first arrow is inevitable. The second arrow isn’t.

Jo: So I’m sitting here now wondering whether this practice is better for people who have something fresh or current to work with – some wound, or stress, or grief. Is that accurate?

Rita: Yes and No. (smiles) Knowing that you have some stress or anxiety or sadness to work with is a great place to start. But don’t wait til you get there before you start to train. Mindfulness is a practice… a training practice. We train and keep coming back to the moment, over and over again, because as Jon Kabat–Zinn says – better to sew your parachute before you need it to jump out of a plane.

Or a long time before – even better.”

And she finished with one of those big smiles that manages to get inside you and make the stressed places relax just a little bit. Clearly a woman who practises what she preaches.

Rita has been a Somatic Psychotherapist in private practice for 18 years. She teaches the MBSR Mindfulness program kicking off on Thursday July 19th.

Click here for more information http://www.keepevolving.com.au/mbsr.html

Or just come along and meet her in person at the free intro night on Thursday June 21st. http://tastymindfulness.eventbrite.com/?ebtv=C

Happy evolving everyone - even in the slower, deeper interior spaces that Winter invites!

Jo

Falling in Love with your life!

Do you remember what it was like to fall in love?

It’s some of the best times in a person’s life.  

• You can’t wait until the next time you are with your loved one
• You can spend hours on the phone talking about almost anything
• You experience a new vitality and you have heaps of energy
• You find your new loved one endlessly fascinating – how they do things differently from you, their history, their aspirations, and their quirky habits are all sources of wonderment
• Inhibitions melt away
• Life becomes engaging, fun and a great adventure
• Your normal preponderance to judge, criticize and complain see to have evaporated into thin air and there is a new sense of tolerance and acceptance that previously had not existed at all
• Life is full of optimism and new possibilities
• You are open to things that previously we would have pulled away from
• In short, life is good and you are happy

So how come life is so good when you’re falling in love, and less so the rest of the time?   What is it that makes the difference?

The key is in your heart, or to put it more precisely, the key is that you are willing to engage in life with your heart open.

Our Reactive Self, the collection of beliefs, assumptions and attitudes we have developed over time as to who we are and how the world is, tends to be based in our head.  Whereas the Creative Self, our authentic self, is based more in the Heart.

The Heart is a fascinating organ – so much more than a pump.   It is where who we really are resides.   It is the source of our courage, our passion for life, our love, caring and compassion… indeed all those things that we suddenly can access so richly when our hearts open when we fall in love.

Unfortunately, as we go through life it’s quite normal for our Heart to get wounded along the way, and if we are not careful we will close down access to our heart in self-protection – a wise thing to do when we are around people who may take advantage of an open heart.    However, it’s all too easy to keep that door to our hearts locked shut in self-preservation and the cost is missing out on a life full of heart-felt adventures, warmth and connection.

The great challenge therefore as we continue our lives back into our Creative Self is to learn how to rest back into our hearts, develop a strong and resilient relationship with our heart, so it can still  protect itself when it needs to, but so it can also openly embrace life fully when the threats are not present.

That’s what the purpose of The Compassionate Heart Workshop is all about.  Learning how to reconnect back to the Heart, how to drop back into its warm embrace and to rediscover that when we do, judgement drops away, right/wrong dynamics drop away, acceptance re-asserts itself and all of a sudden we have fallen in love with Life again.

So, if you're looking for a bit more Heart in your Life, wanting to learn more about accessing the heart, meditating with the Heart, letting go of the past, and you're up for falling in love all over again, come and join us on The Compassionate Heart workshop.    Your Heart will never forget it.

The Compassionate Heart Workshop is a Workshop for those wanting more Heart in their lives.   It is facilitated by StJohn and Alexia Miall and being held in Sydney starting on Friday 18^th May.   For more information and registrations, click here.

Some Reflections on Taking a Stand

About a year ago I had that niggling feeling in my gut – you know the one (maybe it’s a voice in your head) – that was telling me that it was time for another spiritual growth spurt, time to answer look at my life and were it was heading (or not heading as it were the case).

I knew that this next growth spurt would be a little scary, sometimes confronting, a step out of my comfort zone and life changing. How big the growth spurt would be, and whether I got the answers I was searching for I wasn’t sure, but I trusted that both St John and Jo would create a safe and loving environment in the “Take a Stand” (TAS) course for these learnings to occur and life changes to take place. 

Little did I know a year ago how far I would come or how big those learnings would be…

Throughout TAS lessons were delivered with heart, humour and allowed a light to shine on issues to be resolved. And of course, there was the occasional ‘penny dropping’ moments. Ones that, on the outside are seemingly obvious and easy to “get”, but they were the ones that made the biggest impact. They dropped in cascading fashion (kind of like the tears of relief that flowed) and lead to a life-changing “Taking a Stand” on Sunday. A stand that had ripple effects into all aspects of my life, and a year later, continues to ripple.

Throughout the course and the Café weeks that followed, the service team that held the space, my fellow course travellers, St John and Jo were all there to congratulate, affirm and point out the good (when I didn’t see it), and support and provide feedback when things looked like they weren’t travelling so well.

The Café provided invaluable space to share my winnings, reflect on not winnings and remind myself when things got lonely and tough that there were others travelling the road of growth and having their challenges, and that I wasn’t in this on my own.


What’s happened since I “Took a Stand”? 

Well, the biggest thing is that I like myself. 

From that, I had the courage to set my career on a path that I am passionate about. During my coaching session with St John 9 months ago I set an intention to be massaging full time by Easter, seeing 20 clients a week, and guess what – 2 weeks before Easter I was brave and started massaging full time*. I’m not at 20 clients a week yet, BUT I’m half way there with consistently rising client numbers and I’m confident (and re-set the number of client intention) that I’ll be seeing 20 clients a week consistently by EOFY 2012.

Not every question I walked into TaS was answered then and there, but the answers came in unexpected ways.

Jo and St John have created an amazingly wonderful, fantastic, beautiful (I could go on) course that will, if you are wrestling with challenges and are looking for answers or solutions, provide an environment to explore these and to grow into the best version of you. 

Kati Koreneff

* What Kati didn't mention was she was caught in an income trap - She couldn't see how she could afford to give up her current job and survive while she built up her massage business.  It's a common problem for therapists and other practitioners who want to set up business for themselves.    However, having set herself her goal, all sorts of events, all seemingly too unlikely and unexpected, conspired to support her in making the transition without too much financial anxiety.   Once again this is testament to the strategy of keeping your eye on the goal and not on the reasons why you can't have it can make all the difference.  Bravo Kati!

The next Take a Stand program starts on Wednesday 11th April.   Click here for details

You know when you are coming from your Creative when...

• You realise it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for someone else to speak up. You suddenly realise that it is you who has the missing opinion, information or viewpoint that is required. 
• You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are. You recognise their shortcomings and human frailties and support them in doing the best that they can with the skills and resources at their disposal. 
• You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. 
• You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of everything you say or do... and that's OK. 
• You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say. So you learn to question rather than assume… and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. 
• You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. 
• You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. 
• You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of anxiety, frustration and resentment are perfectly OK as long as they are well managed. Sometimes they are the motivation for pushing back appropriately, managing client expectations responsibly or requiring more from direct reports. 
• You learn the only thing you must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to exhibit leadership on your own terms. 
• You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a team, an organization, a life.  
• You realise that being at work is the most astonishing opportunity to grow your capacities and skills. It gives you the opportunity to grow a mighty oak from a tiny acorn. 
• And so work becomes far more interesting and engaging. There are still times when you feel anxious, frustrated or stressed. But you also notice that these feelings pale into insignificance when placed alongside your achievements and outcomes. You enjoy growing your own skills, but even more so the skills of others. Passing on your wisdom becomes primary and vital to your vocation. You love the experience of authoring your own destiny. You see daily that your efforts and unique contributions make a difference which leaves you feeling personally fulfilled and professionally satisfied. 

Adapted from The Awakening by Sonny Carroll

The Purpose of our Take a Stand program is to teach people the skills involved in coming from the Creative.   For details, visit our website: www.keepevolving.com.au or download a brochure.
 

Stumbled across this exquisite poem by David Wagoner today.

It's a funny thing... this notion of being lost – it is a rare and precious ability. It makes you pay attention and re-set your evolutionary sails.

Must get lost more often.

Lost

Stand still. 

The trees ahead and bushes beside you

Are not lost. 

Wherever you are is called Here,

And you must treat it as a powerful stranger.

Must ask permission to know it and be known.

The forest breathes.  Listen.

It answers, I have made this place around you

If you leave it you may come back again,

saying Here.

No two trees are the same to Raven.

No two branches are the same to Wren.

If what a tree or bush does is lost on you,

You are surely lost.  Stand still.  The forest knows

Where you are.

 You must let it find you.

- David Wagoner