Brew me a cup for a winter's
night.
For the wind howls loud and the
furies fight;
Spice it with love and stir it
with care,
And I'll toast our bright eyes,
my sweetheart fair.
~Minna Thomas Antrim
As winter howls and fights
outside I can feel my attention turning to my interior spaces. I don’t love
Winter. I need to work very hard to find its benefit. Summer just rushes at me
like a fluffy puppy, all bouncy and easy to love. But Winter grows on me slowly.
Like a mould that turns the cheese to blue. It all seems a bit unsavoury in the
beginning, but when its work is done Winter blooms with a pungency that Summer
just can’t match.
Winter requires me to go below
the surface and ask the deeper questions I guess. Wisdom seems more accessible.
Quick fixes are out….conscious, considered choices made over a warm brew with
an old friend are in. I had just such a conversation with my old friend Rita
Young last week. I’ve know Rita for 20 years, but over a cup of tea I asked her
how she came to this work in the first place. And her answers took me to a
deeper understanding of my own choices. Beautiful.
Here's the conversation in full for those of you who enjoy the getting of wisdom:
Jo: "So as a woman whose
life revolves deeply around consciousness and making a positive impact in the
world…. and its clearly not a whim for you…
Rita: (laughs) No it's not
a whim..
Jo: …. how did that
sensibility in you grow? Was there a moment of awakening? Did you learn that
way of being from your parents?
Rita: I think because
there was considerable trauma in my parent’s life, they tried not to pass it on
to the next generation. They withheld emotionally from themselves. Not with us,
with us they were very protective and loving. But with themselves.…I think they
decided that they couldn’t bear it. They couldn’t bear any more pain. And I
don’t blame them for that. I think they made very wise and noble choices. But I
guess I recognised that I wanted to be fully awake as a result of that. No
withhold.
Jo: And that set you on the path?
Rita: Well yes – but it was
a long and winding path! I remember a time when I was at University and deeply
unhappy. I learnt a Mindfulness technique way back then that woke me up to the
realisation that I could heal myself in ways that my parents simply couldn’t…
Jo: That’s a powerful
realisation – that we have outgrown our parents in some way.
Rita: Yes. (pauses and
thinks….) They tried so hard to keep me away from pain….but of course as Rumi
says “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” I try not to turn
away from the wound. Wound to my ego, hurt feelings…that’s where I practise
resilience…..
Jo: I read an article
recently that criticised Mindfulness Training because it runs the risk of encouraging participants to suppress valid emotions. Have
you seen people use the technique as a way to control valid emotions?
Rita: Hmmm…. I think Mindfulness is actually the
opposite of suppression. It’s about riding the waves of all the available sensations,
emotions, stories…. it’s about resting back into awareness of all of it, the
good and the bad. Because everything changes moment to moment. We think that we
will be stuck in an emotion or thought or a painful feeling but impermanence takes
care of that!
The Dalai Lama said pain is inevitable,
suffering is optional. He told the story
of the 2 arrows. Have you heard the story of the 2 arrows?
Jo: I don’t think so….
Rita: You can get hit by the first arrow. And
it’s painful. That’s life, its full of barbs and things that can pierce the
skin. But the second arrow? That’s the suffering that is optional. That’s the
part where you moan and wail and make meaning that may not be useful “ Why me?....
“ Why did this happen to me?!” or “They are really out to get me.” Or “ I’m so
vulnerable.” That part is optional. So we learn to let that pass without
pushing that second arrow deep into our psyche. The first arrow is inevitable.
The second arrow isn’t.
Jo: So I’m sitting here now wondering whether
this practice is better for people who have something fresh or current to work
with – some wound, or stress, or grief. Is that accurate?
Rita: Yes and No. (smiles) Knowing that you have
some stress or anxiety or sadness to work with is a great place to start. But
don’t wait til you get there before you start to train. Mindfulness is a
practice… a training practice. We train and keep coming back to the moment,
over and over again, because as Jon Kabat–Zinn says – better to sew your
parachute before you need it to jump out of a plane.
Or a long time before – even better.”
And she finished with one of those big smiles
that manages to get inside you and make the stressed places relax just a little
bit. Clearly a woman who practises what she preaches.
Rita has been a Somatic
Psychotherapist in private practice for 18 years. She teaches the MBSR
Mindfulness program kicking off on Thursday July 19th.
Click here for more information http://www.keepevolving.com.au/mbsr.html
Or just come along and meet her in person at the free intro night on Thursday June 21st. http://tastymindfulness.eventbrite.com/?ebtv=C
